Three. Get Outside.
After a breakup you always need some time alone and I’m a huge advocate of having a good cry, watching a sad movie and having a much needed wallow if you feel you need it, but eventually it’s time to leave the house. When you’ve exhausted the ‘woe is me’ stage, get your glad rags on, pamper yourself to distraction and surround yourself with the people you love and make you smile. Even if the topic of conversation is the breakup itself still, you’ll have different people to bounce your feelings off and it will turn into a much needed distraction. Go to the gym, have a night out, go for dinner with work colleagues – whatever makes your life a better place to be right now is the key to the next step, whenever that may be!
Four. Be realistic.
Being realistic is a huge hurdle and one that is very much needed. Even in the most mutual, calm and adult of separations, going with the ‘let’s stay friends’ option, in the interest of honesty, is just a terrible idea. You’ve spent a huge majority of your time with this person over ‘x’ number of years. You’ve holidayed together, you’ve had numerous firsts, you’ve been sexually attracted to them and you’ve been just a phone call away 24 hours a day – can you really be friends with an ex without compromising your own much needed journey? Perhaps far in the distant future you can be an acquaintance to each other, but be honest with yourself and don’t waste time you could be spending with great friends and family, with an ex partner.
Five. Take control.
Taking control of any situation is always something that helps me to cope with my feelings, I hate to stand back and just let things happen. Personally I need to plan things to look forward to, I need to get on with my life and I need to continue with great distractions such as throwing myself into my work. This might not be the best step for everyone, but wallowing has to be done on a limited basis for me. Taking control of my life, after possibly relying on someone else too much previously, not only boosts my confidence no end but it gives me practical ways to step into the ‘I’m gonna be okay’ stage of the breakup. Learning to be okay on your own is a must to prove to yourself and to your loved ones that yes you might still be mourning your past relationship, but you’re stronger than you ever thought you could be.